So, after watching some of this episode, I decided to search Google Images for my name. I scrolled and clicked until I came to Google's conclusion, "The rest of the results might not be what you're looking for." without seeing an image of me. I'm satisfied. Can't say exactly why, but it feels good.
I'm walking a fine line right now between extreme privacy and forcing myself to get out and interact with people. I rehearse every Monday night with my new chorus Women of Heartsong (that's me in the back row, looking at my hands instead of the camera). I play Rummikub every Tuesday with women at the facility where my mom lived her final years. I sing karaoke every 3rd Sunday at that same facility. I meet monthly with the Community First! Quilters (and just finished a 2-day "retreat" with several of them). And yet, on the way home from each interaction, I'm mentally checking off a "Done" box.
I enjoy it while I'm in it, but I'm glad it's done when it's over. And that's where I'm at right now. Depression, or Existential Exhaustion? I'm rooting for what's behind Door #3.
I'm happy to have a common name and next to no social media presence. A search for me will turn up a huge number of other people and I'm fine with that.
ReplyDeleteI have two groups a week that I enjoy and one that I make myself go to. I'm telling myself that it's because it is new but deep down I know that one or two there are my people but the majority of them are not. I need to make an effort to go and on weeks where it feels like too much effort I tell them I'm expecting a delivery and I stay home and knit.
My first thought (literally): "Wait...are you a Labor and Delivery Nurse?" Then it dawned on me--oh! THAT kind of delivery!!!
DeleteI nearly bailed on karaoke this afternoon (especially because I had a top I wanted to finish piecing), but I had a playlist I'd assembled and the desire to sing a bunch of protest songs overcame my natural inertia. A good time was had by all, and I came home and finished the top too!
Carolyn