Some Semblance of Self

I'm going to take a page out of Lane's book blog and insert anything political, that I feel I must get off my chest, at the bottom of my entry under a line of asterisks. I am also giving a hugely grateful "Thank you!" to Nann and Caroline for their comments of support and virtual hugs. Those, along with reading some of my favorite bloggers (The Bloggess in particular) and having Real Time conversations with friends (of both persuasions), have helped me work out and through my feelings and get back to a semblance of my normal, bubbly-but-sarcastic self. I'm singing again, ready to perform for The Great Unwashed in our upcoming Holiday gigs.

On a completely surprising note, in the midst of my utter depression I had a dream about making a colorful quilt from a panel of this fabric I have on hand. There was hope yet, and I clung to it!!

I laughed tonight

The Loud and I take turns deciding the night's TV viewing, usually only two episodic shows or one movie. Tonight was my turn, and when he said he'd probably only be up for one show, I decided to choose one that would really "count". I wanted to laugh, I needed to laugh, I was ready to laugh. So I chose "The Goes Wrong Show" (Amazon) and wasn't disappointed. 

Then he decided he could watch some of our other favorite show, the finale episode of Season Two of "Crime Scene Kitchen" (Hulu). That too did not disappoint, providing plenty of laughs. He went to bed after that, but I've stayed up with the final thoughts of the winning team swimming in my ears:

"From this point moving forward, we're going to celebrate ourselves, no matter what happens. We're going to encourage each other, we're going to cheer for each other, and just be grateful for the moment and experience, and live in it."   Yass and Amber, Crime Scene Kitchen

I truly want to bring this fervor with me going forward. Tomorrow is chorus rehearsal night. Can I make it happen? Can I manufacture the illusion of joy where none exists, enough to perform for an audience?

I made plans with my closest friend to meet at Nowhere Bookshop (San Antonio, The Bloggess--this was the first post of hers I ever read, and I laughed until tears ran down my leg) this coming Tuesday. I decided I needed something in my life to look forward to, a Bucket List to create and an item to check off, and this fits the bill perfectly.

It's a start.

I sang tonight

The Loud and I were watching "First Man" on Netflix tonight, days before it disappears from that platform. He kept insisting the Theme from "Laura" was what Neil and Pat danced to, and what Neil later brought with him on a cassette tape on the Apollo 11 mission. I kept insisting it was not, and ended up spontaneously singing the song (which I only know because of the Spike Jones rendition. Thanks, Dad!)

I didn't think I had a song left in me to share.

It's a start.

I smiled today

Two unexpected, all-the-way-to-my-eyes smiles of thanks for small gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness. I didn't know I still had those to give, but apparently I do.

It's a start.

Broken Cross Check

That sounds like a reference app that's on the fritz, doesn't it? What I've really been doing is checking potential 36-patches for an inadvertent swastika image. I put up pairings for 20 blocks on the design wall, then took a photo and gray-scaled it for simplicity.

As long as there was a definite light frame around the center four dark squares, there was no danger of offensive misunderstandings in the blocks. Here's how they look in color:

Much more fun, yes? These are all "half pinwheels", in that there are only two pinwheel blocks used, paired with two plain 9-patch blocks. I have scores of plain 9-patch blocks already made; not so much with the pinwheel blocks, so in the interest of time I've opted to use what I've already got.

A Third Pinning, and a Finish

After a few days my back agreed to coöperate and I got a third top pinned.

By this point I was fast running out of my bendy basting pins and had to scrounge through all the other sizes I've collected over the years. I eked them out and didn't have to resort to the diaper pins (or those equivalent in size) that I also have.

Pinning marathon

Maybe I woke this morning feeling invincible. Maybe I woke especially stupid. I know the two aren't mutually exclusive! But for whatever reason (perhaps because I had the batting already cut for me and I had two backings ready to go), I decided to pin two quilt sandwiches today.

My back is making sure I remember the consequences of that decision so that I never, ever think about doing that again!

The first sandwich was the intentional goal for today--the split-9 floral.